Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

Sometimes I read a book that touches deep emotions and I’m not sure why. This was one of those. I was thinking to myself “do not like this book!” but my emotions were all over the place. McGuire has written a clearly dysfunctional relationship, and rationally I realize that. But I enjoyed it!

I suppose it comes down to the fantasy of having a man who is oblivious to everything but you. What would it be like to have someone who wants you more than anything in the world? Who doesn’t see anyone in a room, except for you? Pretty amazing, I’m thinking!

Psychoanalyzing myself, I’ve never felt I deserved that much devotion. I saw shades of myself in this book. I can be needy…I want it all. And I have also been a sucker for the “bad” boy.

Personal story--Harry (not his real name of course!!)…was the epitome of the bad boy that I’m a sucker for. I had a crush on him for years. He was quite handsome, with this heart-melting smile. Over the years he would start things with me, and then ignore me for months. Then I would chase him and he would be aloof. When I gave up he would chase me again and I would run. After years of this nonsense he finally caught me. Then it fizzled very quickly and that was the end.  Remembering this particular relationship (dysfunctional!) still makes me feel sad. I idolized this guy. I’m not sure why….even now. When he paid attention to me I felt butterflies. I fell for it all-- the attention, the smile, the compliments. I was a total sucker! 

And I can’t help thinking the girl in this book is a sucker too. Sure, it seems all rainbows and puppies at the end…but I’m guessing at some point in the theoretical future things would turn out not so rosy.