I Will Carry You

I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith

My rating:

4 stars—I really liked it.

My thoughts:

This book was utterly heart breaking. I cried a lot of tears and felt a lot of strong emotions.

I lost a pregnancy in 2007. I haven’t spoken much about it. But it’s hard not to acknowledge that I had a baby growing inside of me and that I loved her. I think of her as a perpetual little girl, even though I lost the pregnancy at 10 weeks and never officially found out the gender. She was due at the end of June and I think of her laughing in our back-yard with messy hair, watermelon juice on her face, and laughing eyes. Every June these images run through my head. I also made an ornament from a sonogram picture and I cherish it every Christmas. She is still a part of me, in a way,

Once, the children and I were having a conversation about this baby, since my daughter remembers. My son said “I just wasn’t ready yet for that body, I had to come later.” That made me think…maybe he is the baby I was meant to have all along. Such a deep train of thought. Where is the soul of that baby? Was it really “lost”? Of course I can never know the answers to these questions, but I do know that losing a baby is a tragic experience and my heart was fully invested with this family in their grief and loss.

Overall, this was too religious for my taste, but I felt it was genuine and moving. Her religion helped her through her grief, so I understood it. I dealt in a different way, but not a “better” way. Parents that have a lost a child should always be able to choose their way through grief without judgement from others.

Description from Goodreads.com:

“In 2008, Angie Smith and her husband Todd (lead singer of the group Selah) learned through ultrasound that their fourth daughter had conditions making her “incompatible with life.” Advised to terminate the pregnancy, the Smiths chose instead to carry this child and allow room for a miracle. That miracle came the day they met Audrey Caroline and got the chance to love her for the precious two-and-a-half hours she lived on earth. Upon receiving the original diagnosis, Angie started a blog (Bring the Rain) to keep family and friends informed of their journey. Soon, the site exploded in popularity, connecting with thousands who were either experiencing their own heartbreaking situations or simply curious about how God could carry someone through something so tragic. I Will Carry You tells the powerful story of a parent losing her child, interwoven with the biblical story of Lazarus to help those who mourn to still have hope—to find grace and peace in the sacred dance of grief and joy.”