Inconceivable

Inconceivable: A Medical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn’t Keep, and Our Choice to Deliver the Ultimate Gift by Sean and Carolyn Savage

Amazon Description:

“A medical mistake during an IVF procedure. An unthinkable situation . . . you’re pregnant with the wrong baby. You can terminate, but you can’t keep him. What choice would you make? Carolyn and Sean Savage had been trying to expand their family for years. When they underwent an IVF transfer in February 2009, they knew it would be their last chance. If they became pregnant, they would celebrate the baby as an answer to their prayers. If not, they would be grateful for the family they had and leave their fertility struggles behind forever.

They never imagined a third option. The pregnancy test was positive, but the clinic had transferred the wrong embryos. Carolyn was pregnant with someone else’s baby.

The Savages faced a series of heartbreaking decisions: terminate the pregnancy, sue for custody, or hand over the infant to his genetic parents upon delivery. Knowing that Carolyn was carrying another couple’s hope for a baby, the Savages wanted to do what they prayed the other family would do for them if the situation was reversed. Sean and Carolyn Savage decided to give the ultimate gift, the gift of life, to a family they didn’t know, no strings attached.

Inconceivable provides an inside look at how modern medicine, which creates miracles daily, could allow such a tragic mistake, and the many legal ramifications that ensued with both the genetic family and the clinic. Chronicling their tumultuous pregnancy and its aftermath, which tested the Savage’s faith, their relationship to their church, and their marriage, Inconceivable is ultimately a testament to love. Carolyn and Sean loved this baby, making it impossible for them to imagine how they could give him life and then give him away.

In the end, Inconceivable is a story of what it is to be a parent, someone who nurtures a life, protects a soul, only to release that child into the world long before you’re ready to let him go.”

My Thoughts:

This was a very interesting story. It is unimaginable being told that you are carrying a baby that isn’t yours and that you cannot keep. As I read, I found myself trying to imagine being Carolyn (the woman carrying the baby), then my mind would flip, trying to imagine being Shannon (the biological mother). Both women were going through a hard journey.

As I progressed in the book I often found Sean and Carolyn (mostly Carolyn) to be somewhat disingenuous.

First, the faith issues drove me bananas. They talk about being incredibly strong in the Catholic faith, but then they pick which parts of that faith to adhere to. This goes on and on in the book, them justifying why they are “right” to go against certain parts of the faith. This was hard for me to read and make sense of.  

Second, they state many times that their privacy was taken away…but then hold large meetings with family/friends and then write a book? I felt like they were thriving on the drama, at times. Much of the publicity about their family they allowed/induced.

Third, Carolyn takes many opportunities to slam (most times passive aggressively) the biological mother of this child. Even at the end of the book…she is overly rude toward the other family. The part where she insists on calling herself this baby’s Mommy was hard for me to understand. I read that she later had twins using a surrogate and I wonder if this experience changed her view. Or if she thought the surrogate was her children’s “Mommy” as well?  Carrying a baby is the most intimate thing a woman can do. But she made the decision to carry the baby, having to know that it would be incredibly difficult. I could also understand why the biological family would want to distance themselves from this strong emotion.

And one more thing that irked me…Carolyn kept making it a point to say that she would keep this baby “because she was pro-life.” However, I think many women would have made the same decision, pro-life or no. Any woman going through infertility treatment obviously feels strongly about growing a family. This is just another example that set the tone of this book to “Carolyn as a martyr.”

I cannot fathom what these families went through, and even with the criticism above, I felt strongly for Sean and Carolyn as I read their book. I’m glad they are blessed with 5 children.

The biological Mom has also written a book. I haven't had a chance to read that one yet, but it's on the list!